Why did my mother or father say or not say this?
Why did my partner do or not do that? Why is it so hard to move on from old hurts?
How do I move on from the pain of past relationships?
A common theme I have noticed in recent times is clients asking the question…how do I move on from my pain?
Why can’t I let it go? It still upsets me, I think I’m over the relationship, dealt with it, but it still affects and hurts me, why?
Triggers are all around you, they bring memories and emotions which in-turn raise feelings, reminders, flashbacks of past hurts.
Part of the journey of life is to have relationships and grow through them.
Conscious or not you’re in relationships with everyone; friends, family, lovers, relationships in your business/work life as well. Some relationships are positive, some are a little more challenging and these are the ones giving you the greatest opportunity to learn and grow.
So how do you let go of past hurts or old relationships and move on?
- Let go of the blame game, it doesn’t get you anywhere.
- Look for what’s not resolved within yourself, any unworthiness or fear.
- Ask, are you looking for love outside of yourself?
- Are you seeking approval from those around you, instead of trusting in yourself and standing in your power?
- Are you taking full responsibility for your life?
I’ve found with myself and my clients letting go of the ‘why’ creates a space to move forwards and find inner peace.
The ‘why’ will take you round in circles and even if you’ve ever understood why someone else did something, it won’t change it.
I know it’s a difficult pill to swallow but “acceptance” changes everything.
Trying to figure out why someone did something is trying to work out what you did ‘wrong’
What if you didn’t do anything wrong?
What if you only need some new skills so you can learn more about yourself and move on to happier and more fulfilling relationships?
As I mentioned earlier relationships are powerful teachers if you let them be.
You may have been viewing yourself through the eyes of someone else and judging yourself based on their criteria.
By seeing yourself through your own eyes of love, accepting and supporting yourself, you will find peace and joy.
Interested in knowing more?
Here is the link to my Materialise Love Course, which will help you develop new skills you can easily integrate into your life, creating the relationships you’ve always wanted.
CLICK HERE to learn more.
Where to begin…..
A time arrives in life when you’re ready for a relationship; you have already established self love so you know what love feels like.
So how do you start looking and attracting Mr Right into you life??
Before you tackle the attracting part you must have a clear idea of what you are looking for?
- What type of relationship? Friendship? Love?
- Are you wanting a short term or long term relationship?
- What do you want from the relationship? Love? Marriage? Babies?
- What are your priorities?
- What are your likes and dislikes?
Once you are clear on this, let’s begin…
I believe love is all around you. Just like the universe “Love” is everywhere you are.
To attract Mr Right you must be in a higher vibration of “Love”
Think for a moment… do you walk around most days with a smile on your face? Or are you sad and unhappy the majority of the time?
Do you see beauty in most everything? Or find this difficult to achieve?
Are you grateful for what you have in this moment in time? Or are you always wanting something more?
Can you see if you’re happy, positive and grateful your vibration rises and therefore people will be attracted to you. It’s proven when people are happy they attract other like minded people.
Ask the Universe for exactly what you want, be specific, keep your vibration high and watch things begin to happen.
Choosing a partner is extremely important to your personal happiness, so getting it right is imperative!
The good news is that you’re in full control of this situation and what you put in is what you will get out.
I have found it’s critical you know exactly what qualities you want in a partner.
Not having any success in finding your life partner?
Are you going round and round in circles, same relationship, different face?
Frustrated with the results so far?
You should know what you want in and from a partner. If you aren’t clear, you’ll take anything and you’re worth more than that!
Mistake Number One
One mistake most women make when embarking on this journey is not being clear what they want in a partner or knowing the type of relationship they’re looking for.
Do you have high expectations, a long list of what you would like? Or do you have low expectations, willing to settle for who ever shows up, crossing fingers and hoping for the best?
Whether you have high or low expectations it’s usually a reflection of how you value yourself and indicates the level of self worth you have. Are you willing to settle for an ‘ok’ relationship or will you stay the course, not deviate and wait until Mr Right enters on the scene. The choice is yours…keep in mind to find Mr Right you have to know who he is when you bump him to him, as he might be in “disguise!”
Mistake Number Two
Another critical mistake is timing. We live in a society that demands instant gratification. Many aren’t willing to wait until the time is right.
Yes some of you may have biological clocks ticking, and the need to partner up with someone to have a child is overwhelming. If this is you, let me ask this question of you; Would you rather
A) Have a child with Mr Johnny On The Spot, as in any partner just to turn off the “maternal alarm” and live a unfulfilled life, which really isn’t good for anyone including the beautiful soul you’ve bought into this world?
B) Take it slow and steady, ending up with Mr Right, a partner you connect with at heart and soul level? You may risk not having a child if you wait too long, so make sure you get some help to get the relationship right with yourself first. When you’re confident and have let go of any past relationships, the energy is clear for a relationship to manifest.
You may have been divorced, separated, be caring for children or parents and you don’t feel the time is right?
In my experience, timing is everything. I’ve seen so many of my clients who thought they were doing the right thing, putting everyone else first, waiting for their time to come. If you want to find a partner and you’re ready, go for it, there’s no time like now!
Mistake Number Three
Another critical mistake women make when looking for a partner is what I like to call the Gooey Feeling…picture this; your eyes meet; you feel the tingles down your spine; your non rational brain says yep! this is ‘THE ONE’ and whammo, your chemicals are going crazy. You rational brain goes out the door, in no time you’ve fallen in lust; then letting go of all the things you wanted and valued. I’ve seen so many people go too deep too quickly, without really getting to know each other fully first. Relationships take time, and they need to be nurtured, even planned and given priority. You have to know who you are and what you want if you want a relationship to be successful.
My advice is…
- Be clear on what you want in a partner/relationship and get help so you are clear and ready
- Give yourself time to find the right partner, there’s no rush
- Don’t let the Gooey stuff override the getting to know you stuff…look before you leap!
I’ve been asked on so many occasions, how do I love myself?
How can I stop feeling guilty and regain my sense of self?
Can you relate to this???
Just sharing some simple tips which have helped me and my clients find greater peace, love and happiness.
This, I believe is the missing piece to finding greater inner peace.
It’s really quite simple, two easy steps!!!
Make a choice to say “YES” next time someone offers to help you.
- Be willing to say “NO”
- Saying NO is one of the most difficult things to do. Agree???
Maybe you’ve fallen into being a people pleaser or over achiever and have found yourself saying yes to everything.
I know I’ve been in both categories and it’s draining.
What about you???
Consider these options as the sign it’s ok to say NO
- When what’s being asked of you is out of alignment with your morals and values
- When you don’t have the energy to fulfil what’s being asked of you
- Maybe you just don’t want to do it (that’s the best reason to say no!)
- Your sense of obligation is overwhelming and you know if you say “yes” you will feel resentful
- When you have a focus which is important to you and someone else wants to put their needs before yours
It’s all about having strong personal boundaries and knowing you’re the only one who can make you happy!
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated…Confucius
What do you feel about this, topic? Love to hear your thoughts and feelings
Have you ever wondered what love really is? Or how you can get more love in your life?
I recently posed the question on Facebook “What is love to you?” as I was curious to hear what people really thought about this.The one answer that really stood out for me was this one from Monique Farbrother.
Her simple answer struck a chord within me as I realized how difficult it can be to know “how” to find love within. She said ” Being able to find love within yourself, for yourself so love can come back to you”
Other interesting answers about what love is were,
- “Freedom” which came up a few times,
- “Being there for yourself 100%” (Thank you Janelle Goldman)
- “Feeling connection with partner”
- “A warm and smushy place” (love this one Kelly Hanlon),
- “Being happy and peaceful, not being judged”
Through my own experiences and my readings for people I know at the core of us all is the eternal quest for love, to know it, to feel it, to understand it and to have more of it.
If “Love” is the answer to all mankind’s problems, which I believe it is, the
“What is the Question?”
My Questions Around Love
Wow, years ago that thought opened up a minefield within me as a zillion questions I have had came rushing to the surface! The question is the puzzle, what we have come here to overcome so we can find the Holy Grail of Love.
Why did my parents split up?
What did I do wrong?
Why was my mother angry all the time?
When will my body heal?
These are some of the many questions that have run their course through my mind over the years, none of which helped me be more peaceful, free or loving.
Finding my pathway to love was like being in an overgrown jungle, ready with the machete in hand, having to fight my way through the brambles and endure the sting of mosquito bites, the pain of hard work to get to the core of where love lived within me. It was like doing battle every day, being at war with unknown enemy, except the war was raging within me.
If it were so simple, we would all just do it. We would be there for ourselves every moment of the day, we would chose freedom over everything else, we would love openly, freely and life would become the heaven on earth we want it to be.
The Answer Appears
A light bulb moment happened as I realised every day I was faced with living life which seemed to bring every horrible feeling I had about myself to the surface. I wanted to run, to hide , to escape. I didn’t like this thing called life. Then it dawned on me.
What if I could rearrange my view of life as having been rotten and the events were the things getting in the way of loving myself? Could I could see all feelings and emotions as the secret key, the means to finding love for myself first and ultimately for others
That worked for me!
I found in order to have more love in my own life I had to make some conscious choices and let go of the excuses. I now realise you don’t find love sitting on a mountaintop or being alone. You find it in the mud, the blood and the tears, (thank you Johnny Cash for that amazing song!) In the psychedelic messiness of life, love is there waiting for you to recognise its endurance, its strength its unconditional acceptance of you and who you really are,
The new questions that came to me were, the “how” questions.
Hopefully they may help you too as you let go of the Whys in your story.
- How can I do the things I know fulfil me and sustain my joy?
- How can I release the fear of letting others down, making enough money to survive, feeling I am as good as the next person?
- How can I view the context of my life differently?
- How can I accept I chose this life?
Letting go of the “Whys” was one of the wisest choices I made, as it lead me to inner exploration and self awareness.
Love to hear your comments or thoughts on finding love within you and thanks to all who contributed to the question on Facebook!
Are ready to find more love within you? Why not contact me now and book now for a spiritual healing session and join the many who I have helped. Distance is not a barrier, Skype or phone works as well in any situation.
Much love as you journey to greater spiritual unity and inner peace
Developing trust in your insight combined with understanding Tarot can open new doorways to love. Traditionally Tarot has attracted intrigue, fear and mystery so how can using it help you bring more love into your life?
The cards depict steps along the spiritual journey of life with each card holding a “key” learning. If you see life as a game where the goal is finding self-love, loving others and spiritual fulfilment, the cards help you navigate through life to reach your goal. The cards are rich in meaning using numbers, colours and symbols encouraging exploration of your inner world leading you deeper into understanding yourself.
The “cycle of life” is present every day as you greet a new dawn and watch the sun set, as you begin new relationships or end them, as you begin new endeavours and let go of old ones. Developing your psychic insight will help you become spiritually stronger as you begin to know yourself and trust your intuition.
Ways You Can Use Tarot for Love Include:
- Identify Your Goals and Draw A Card For Clarification. The goal may be “to attract a new relationship,” or to “improve current relationship,” or “be a better friend,” or “have more love for self.” The card you draw can identify what you believe or sheds light on the “energy” that surrounds this goal. For example, I asked how to love myself more and I drew the 10 of Swords. This depicts someone lying down with 10 swords in their back. The suit of swords represents the “mind” and so I see clearly how I attack myself with my “thoughts.”
- Identify Your Challenges & Opportunities. Draw three cards to represent past influences, present situation and potential future outcome. Allow the images in the cards to work with your subconscious and notice your feelings, thoughts and memories as they surface. Journaling is a good way of opening up your inner psychic to help you “understand” yourself at a deeper level.”
- Look At The Cards & Draw A Card Which Attracts You. Set the intention, “What do I most need to know” and see which card jumps out at you.
The Major Arcana Tarot Depicts The Journey Of Life
The journey begins at birth (The Magician), and as the child develops it passes through different stages of personal growth shown in The High Priestess, The Empress, The Emperor & The Hierophant cards.
The child grows into puberty sparking a desire to learn and grow through relationships (The Lovers). Life unfolds with opportunities, fears, ups & downs (The Chariot). With The Strength card realisation comes and it is time to find the inner voice and develop the psychic knowing (The Hermit). Moving into adulthood a deeper understanding of the spiritual forces of life accepting responsibility and understanding cause and effect unfolds through The Wheel of Fortune, Hanged Man, & The Justice cards.
The opportunity arises to take on a deeper and more spiritual view of life, with The Death card symbolising the release of old parts of the self no longer needed. Goodbyes in relationships, family or work may happen as we surrender moving towards higher spiritual purpose and meaning. The quest to love and find the self continues as more fears come up in The Devil card. Change comes if you are reluctant to grow (The Tower) . Faith is developed in The Star as a consequence of the changes The Tower Card brought. Now it is time to go deeper and face the inner demons we carry or have carried through many lifetimes (The Moon).
Facing those fears enables joy & freedom as you return to the innocence of childhood .The Sun heralds the emergence of real you. In The Judgement card there comes an understanding of your “self” being created by past actions and beliefs. It is time to accept the universal connection we all have bringing a deeper understanding of life. Everything comes full cycle in The World card as all aspects of the self are balanced and integrated, the journey and cycle complete.
The cycle starts again with The Fool beginning a new journey with understanding gained from past lives & lessons learned, ready to live without fear & find true love.
These are simple ways to use Tarot for love or for any other situation you would like insight into or guidance with. Click here to read my views on readings what to expect in a reading.